well guys, none of it matters anymore. I have realized that computers arnt for me because of the way they suck me in. I have been neglecting my God, my girlfriend, and myself. I realized that this and every GUI project or computer represents digital escape that i cant "really" live in. Im not crazy by any means, only moving on to a higher level of enlightenment if you will. This was a difficult but rewarding choice. Think about what you are reading right now the next time you post in a forum or try to tweak something to your specific perfection. At the right moment, it will come back... and it will make sense.