Ok, here's what I have:
MonitorNames left right
*jDeskWorkArea left "3,3,-3,-28"
*jDeskWorkArea right "3,3,-3,-33"

Which should work, as far as I can tell. In fact, the right monitor settings do work. But the left, nothing. I've already checked, and *jdeskworkarea isn't set somewhere else for the theme, or in my personal files. Anyone have any clue why this isn't working?

deuce

Try this:

MonitorNames Left Right
jDeskWorkArea Left "3,3,-3,-28"
*jDeskWorkArea Right "3,3,-3,-33"

(No "*" on Left)

yep, that did it, thx xcal. doesn't make sense, but oh well. :)